Numb

Waking up feels okay.
The first few seconds,
You've forgotten.
Then it all comes crashing back,
And so the fight begins.
To hold it all back,
Away from prying eyes.
Forcing your mind to think,
Of other things.
Anything but what has happened.
But you can't,
It stabs you like a rusty dagger,
Twisting your insides.
Until tears stream down your face.
You loose it for a minute or so.
Then compose...
Only to be stuck with that lump,
In the back of your throat.
You swallow and swallow,
But it won't move.
Just like the expression upon your face.
Frozen
From that moment when he said.
"we should end it"
Numbness fills your body,
Head a mess with denial,
sadness, guilt.
It was all your fault...

Maybe tomorrow...

Procrastination,
A horrid thing.
Brought on by
Self depreciation.
Lack of worth,
No drive.
Excuses, white lies;
A vicious circle.
I can't escape,
I'm trapped.

All that I know is I'm falling...

Head feels heavy with thoughts
Silly ideas that have crept in there.
Along side the usual worries
Of work,
Succeeding,
Body image,
Money.
No point pondering
Over foolish anxieties.
Time to skip to it
And take control...

Monday (am)

The ring of my 6.30 alarm clock
Rings viciously in my ear
Beckoning me out of my feathery abode
A slither of white light
Pierces the heavy curtains
Into the comforting darkness of my room
Another day springs itself upon me
Weary and not so sure
If I can cope with the pressures
and stresses of the next 24hours
Then from the window
A birds song I hear
Churpy and full of joy
This persuading me from my
Spongey hideout
To bare my sleepy face
To a beautiful, bright morning.
It's warmth corresses my skin
Gently waking me
To realise
Things aren't so bad
and the day ahead
Isn't an enemy to hide from
But a fresh start to make the most of
I feel... happy
:)

The Storm

Rhythmic tapping induces my sleep
My eyes close
Yet the unearthly howls awaken me
Urging me to burrow my head
Deep among the softness of my bedding
Imagining the warmth of another
Holding me close
Watching over me
Caring and soothing me
Until the cracking noise
Of a trees tormented branches
Falls in the wind with a thud
Leaving me unsettled once more
I need you...